made a strategic ‘joke’, testing the waters–
saw the whatsapp forward you sent, my hope falters;
sometimes all i want, is to react to those comments-
not hold my breath, bite my tongue,
because to you the spectrum of gender, sexuality– are unknown concepts;
but if i open my mouth i know i’ll repent,
to feel all this pain, repress all this angst– i am too young
i silently cry into your shoulder, knowing you’ll never understand the reason;
for, all you think of who i love, my relationship– is treason
you say your love is unconditional, but you know there are exceptions;
of who i am, who i love, you have misconceptions
i write in my diary, using words to substitute conversation,
hoping one day i’ll have the confidence to make this declaration
this burden is heavy, the weight of this secret;
but much easier to deal with, than spilt milk and crushing regret
the papercuts building up to the hurt– make me want to scream;
but the world is not ideal, of a place without scorning glances, silent judgment– i can only dream
but now i’m tired of the lies,
letting fear hold me in a choking grip;
the gravity of these untold words, no longer have an astonishing size
no longer am i anxious about letting my story slip
i’m sorry this news may disappoint,
i’m sorry i could do nothing to change your viewpoint
i love who i love, and that’s my identity,
the people you look down upon, are now my community;
i no longer crave your validity,
your future unacceptance is no longer my insecurity
mom, dad,
i am gay.
here is my truth, raw and unedited–
i no longer need your approval, will no longer be led astray,
to search for a life of love, is the path to which i am headed.
– Anonymous
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