Summed up in a line: I call this one Mr. Grabbyhands, and this one Mr. Slashyslooshy

Memorable quote: We work in the dark to the serve the light. Oh wait. (PS: Wouldn’t night rhyme better instead of dark?)

Genre: FPS | Action

Online: Only co-op

Open-world? No

Feels? Not really, unless you’re an emotional wreck already

Platinum Hunt: Fairly easy | No online trophies


Gameplay: The gameplay is zippity zoopity bamboozledly wonderful. You will take a couple of minutes to get used to the controls, because you kind-of-not-really have four arms. Your left hand, right hand, and a Primordial being that is chaos incarnate literally as your other two. So, nothing much there, really.


Your two munchers can perform a heap of ‘executions’, ranging from pulling an Alien (yes, I just made that up and I think you know what that means) to uh… let’s just call it oral debauchery.

If that wasn’t enough, you also have a Darkling, a cheeky little imp that calls you Monkey and (once you upgrade yourself enough) can be thrown at enemies to tear their face off.

Did I mention it pees on the dead bodies of your enemies?

Story: You are Jackie Estacado, an emo who was forced to watch your one true love’s death by the Darkness, helpless, to ensure utter and complete submission. After burying the Darkness, a surprise mob hit is all it takes for you to allow the Darkness to resurface to rip and tear (references!) hearts out.

A secret Brotherhood, charged to destroy the Darkness, has been corrupted and now wants to use it for themselves. Headed by Victor Valente (surprisingly, I don’t remember ever hearing his name in the entire game), they launch a volley of attacks against your organization (read: Mafia family).

Could a mother love this face?

Also, you need a haircut. Badly.

Shaggy, this isn’t weed”

Graphics: I’m not sure what the kind of graphics this game has is called, but I like it. It reminds me a bit of Borderlands.


Graphics: If they are your style

Story: On the fence

Gameplay: Yes


  I like this!

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